Crumpler Chronicle (Episode 3): Doggie Lockout

From the archive of my “up & coming” early days in the ad biz…

 Sunday, November 13, 2005

Another true story in pure Jourdan fashion………….

So I’m house sitting for Tricia this week. Yep, watching the dog for my boss. Gotta make sure that I don’t mess up. Ray, her husband, showed me around and filled me in on all the nuances of the house. “Oh, and be careful with the front door, it locks behind you”. “Got it. Front door locks behind you”. I pull up to the house for the night at a rainy 9 o’clock. Ah….ready to write a good ole conference report on my laptop; brought it home for the first time. In the rain, I bring all of my bags in and slam the car door behind me. Oops, forgot something…make sure you watch that front door, it’ll lock. Okay, got everything ready to settle in. Let’s walk the doggie one more time in the backyard. La la la…..go ahead Eli, do your business. All done, let’s go inside. Click. Click. Oh, no. Click. Click. No biggie, didn’t lock the front door yet. Walk around to the front…….HOLY MOLY: “Oh, and be careful with the front door, it locks behind you”. It’s just me and the dog outside in the rain. Okay, stay calm. Go to the car and call someone. AAAHHHHH, car’s locked too. The cell is in the house anyway. “Eli, stop barking”. What to do, what to do? So I knock on the door of six, yes, six neighbors to no avail. “I know you’re in there, I see your cars people”. Okay, it’s raining, I’m in an unfamiliar neighborhood and everything I own is in the locked house. I try one last house. “Wow”, the neighbor says, “What a story, come on in and use my phone”. The nice gal, about my age, hands me a cold one. “Looks like you could use a beer”. She then hands me the phone. Thank goodness. I press the talk button and punch in 407. Then it hits me. I don’t know anyone’s number. Thanks a lot technology. I let all my “databases” do the remembering. I can’t think of one person that’s memorized except my best-friend. Oh man. She ain’t gonna be happy when she has to drive from Altomnte to downtown, but what are friends for? “I’ll be there in a 1/2 hour, she says. Okay, I’ll just be waiting outside in the rain with the barking dog. The neighbor says I can hang in her house, but her pajamas and tired eyes said another story. I head back to Tricia’s house. To waste time, I start trying to break into every window. The whole house is made of windows, one should be open. Okay, this is Tricia we’re talking about. There isn’t going to be a window open. Man…..sure hope the neighbors don’t call the police since I’ve popped off all the screens. Well….done with the front of the house, I’ll try my luck with the back. “Eli, stop growling at me, I’m just trying to get us out of the rain”. As I’m going through the motions of popping the screens and opening the windows, I start thinking about work tomorrow. How am I going to walk in with the same clothes and sit down to a desk with no computer? Uh….sorry, can’t work today, I locked my laptop in my boss’s house and please pardon the smell, I haven’t showered. I’m at my last possible window. It’s tiny- don’t think I can fit in anyway. I can barely reach it, it’s way up there. Pop goes the screen. OH MY GOSH…..the window budged. Yes, it’s not fully locked. Now I just have to find a way to move the window lock to the left. A stick, yah, a stick could do it. I break off a stick from a big tree in the backyard. SWOOSH…as I pull from the tree, the water on the leaves drenches me. The tears are now swelling up in my eyes. My hair is matted down to my face, the dog is growling at me and now I have to use the bathroom. After 10 minutes of finagling with the stick, I get it open. Now I have an open window about 10 feet off the ground. My head will barely make it through, who knows about my hips. I grab two patio chairs, soaking wet, and stand them on each other. I know I only have one chance to hoist myself as the chairs are surely going to fall. Well folks, I did it. I hoisted myself in. I’m looking down onto the floor and realize I’m gonna have to fall head first onto the hardwood. I don’t even care at this point. I roll about one foot and the leg of a crib stops me. Turns out I broke into the babies room. I felt like a creep. Who breaks into a babies room?

The first thing I do is find the house key and slip it on my necklace. I slept with it around my neck. I let Eli in and ran to the bathroom.

“How’s everything at the house, Jourdan? Are you enjoying the pool and making yourself at home?”

Why yes, Tricia……everything is just fine.