Crumpler Chronicle (Episode 1): Chicken Attack

From the archive of my “up & coming” early days in the ad biz…

One of the perks of the biz- heading to the Caribbean for a client meeting. I went a few years back and it was my first time out of the country. I went completely by myself and it was awesome. I always try to write down my experiences so I don’t forget them. Here is an excerpt…..

When I first got there, I was starving. The hotel staff pointed me in the direction of the food. “Behind the mall, walk the street and you will find good eatin” they said. “What mall?”, says I. “You’re lookin at it”. (referring to a 8 shop strip of bargain shopping). A used bra for just $4. Good times. This was great though – a chance for me to see the world. I walked past the mall lookin’ for some good eats. Turns out, many of the restaurants are Frances-Maria cookin for you in her house while she tries to interest you in a broken ceramic cat for $2 American. Good times. I bought some plantains and soggy fries from a vendor and leisurely strolled back to my hotel absorbing the visual pleasures of my surroundings. What is that rustle in the bushes? Whoa it’s a chicken. Hey chicken, you’re kind of cute. Gosh, you’re not scared of people, huh? I’m walking, I’m walking. Hey chicken,  back up. These are my plantains. Hey…hey. Holy moly it’s going to peck at my cankles (calves/ ankles- my legs don’t really distinguish between the two). Here you go chicken, have some soggy fries while I sprint to my hotel unpecked. Bad idea. The chicken has a friend and it wants in on my fries. My eyes are swelling with tears. I don’t remember my self defense class at UCF instructing on methods of handling chicken attacks. Think…think. Clutching to my oily bag of sweet plantains I start running as fast as I can in my stiletto boots. If you run zig zag they can’t catch you, right? No, wait- that’s alligators. “ Ey, get outta here”. Who said that? And then, I see him; my superman coming to save me. It’s an eight-year old with a broom stick. He then educates me with a lesson I will remember for the rest of my life. “ Ey gurl, don’t feed da chickens”. Lesson learned. I later played stick ball with my superman. Another lesson- stand on the RIGHT side of the street if you want to watch the cars coming.